Tuesday 1/5/2016

Let me just start off saying I'm proud of myself for sticking to "healthy choices" and blogging more than once :) today was a good day all in all! I cleaned a little bit out of my storage and make a donation to helping hands, which makes me feel good. I also saw a friends dad there dropping off also. It's nice to see a familiar face and get a weekday hug! I also cleared my car of Hobby Lobby Christmas goodies!! 🎅🏼 (when I'm poor, remind me of how great my trees will look!) I went to the grocery store, the Bullpen, and then picked my little man up from Pre-k. I had a headache and couldn't tell if it was from my contacts or not eating enough. We came home and I switched into my glasses and ate a lemon pepper chicken breast...and a biscuit with peanut butter. No judgement, I'm not perfect, just trying to work on this bod 😜 

After some rest with a nutcase child who is acting super wild and crazy lately, and once my excedrine migraine kicked in I finished packing up the Christmas stuff in my totes. Tomorrow I have a full day of dropping totes at storage, and taking my car to the Chevy house for a little looksie. We finished up dinner and I did Lance a favor by picking Arielle up and dropping her off at their apartment so she didn't have to be at Haleys all night while he closes this evening. I stopped by the gym for a little sauna time. I cannot explain the feeling I have there. It's a very uncomfortable, snooty place to be. However, I'm not there to make friends, just get some exercise in and drop pounds. I don't know if it's the area or the people these days...or just a douchey mentality. The staff who check you in aren't friendly and neither the members! 😳 I sat in the sauna for 35 minutes and drank two bottles of water. It feels good to sweat! 

Tomorrow is a new day and I need strength to deal with the lifestyle changes im making as well as patience in handling my precious spawn. He is a lot of work lately, and I'm hoping it's just a phase that will pass. He seems to really be testing me and his limits!! Good night and sweet dreams! :)

Sunday 1/3/2016

Such a good weekend, and REALLY looking forward to this week! Dallas goes back to school, and this mama can get some stuff done for a few hours while he's gone :) I have been strong in dealing with Lance, which so far so good. I am also excited about getting back into exercising regularly. I am so tired of being GIGANTIC, out of breath, too big for my body and most importantly my confidence is in the dumps! 

Sunday, Mom and I went to Canton to shop at first Monday and literally shopped until we dropped! I got 2 pairs of cheap boots ($15 each) that are ready to be dropped off at the Bullpen for monogramming!! 

I have really been wanting a pair to monogram but waited for the right pair ;-)

Mom and I both got cream boot socks. We loved them both so much we each got a pair as opposed to sharing as we would have. They were also half off!

They have the one-minute manicure samples in a bathroom we went to. I loved the smell, (Pink Lily) so I bought a few small ones to try. 

 I also got too much Christmas decor at 50-75% off! One of my favorite places had really cute stuff in my color scheme! --so I helped myself to plenty of goodies! 

(Those are big bags, not small!) lol!

I also bought 2 late Christmas gifts I have been wanting to buy. Both Lance and I got engraved Yeti cups. They are so cute and I'm excited to use mine!! 

We met up with the Poe's for lunch at our normal spot. When we left Canton, Mom and I grabbed Tacos and came home to relax! 

Umpy wanted me to take his picture with the dogs, because they all looked so cute right there! What a goof! 

Saturday, Dallas and I went to The Poe's to open Christmas presents with them. Dallas loves going to play over there AND wanted to eat the chili Shannon had in the crock pot. The relationship Presley and him have crack me up. He loves to aggravate her but gets defensive when she gets upset. They are a mess! Shannon and I had a good little talk and we left about 10:00pm! I was hoping Dallas would fall asleep on the way home, but of course not. When we got home, he wanted to open the blind bags Shannon got him...and of course we did. 

I private messaged a friend from high school whose body is amazing!! I asked her for some diet tips and she has gone out of her way to give me a plan! I can see the results from a poor diet (greasy skin, unhealthy hair, and obviously my gut!) I have a positive attitude and this HAS to work! I have no energy and want to be the best mommy to Dallas I can be!! Busy, busy week ahead! Lord guide me in the direction you want me. Please help me to make wise food choices as I change my lifestyle and get fit. I also pray for the victims of the wrath of the tornado. Help them find solace in still having their lives and families. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!! 

2016

                Happy new year!

More easily said than done 😬 So many New Years resolution to uphold! Makes me nervous, but I can and WILL do it. I have to for my own sanity. Obviously I have the cliche lose weight top on my list, but really...I can't wait to slim down, tone up and feel better about myself. A close second is to be strong when it comes to Lance!!!! I tear up as I write that. :( Not sure if it's because I truly love him and unsure of my choices and decisions, or if it's because I'm frightened of change. Either way, the unknown can be scary but I have to close this door and be ready for new opportunity. I know God has great things I store for me. I just need to walk with him and be patient. It's all in Gods timing. I think about Lance 24-7, through everything with Dallas, to my faults as his wife, to wishing he would open his eyes and see what could have been... Agh, it's so tough on me but I know I can do it. I'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet by the grace of God and my little one looking up to me! I am ready for the tears to stop and the pain to lessen!! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Tough day for me

Today was such an emotional day for me :( we went to Kenzie's 4th birthday party, and Dallas actually played in the kiddie pool for a little bit. He is not impressed with swimming or water in general! It makes me feel sad for him to have such a fear. Water parks and pools should be like 2nd nature for us! We live in Texas and HAVE to survive the summers with outdoor water activities! It's just too hot.  Lance met at the pool with plans to take Dallas afterwards. I've done soooo good this whole week! I didn't cry this whole week! I've stayed busy and made several efforts and attempts to keep Lance off my mind. It's what I NEED to do, and HAVE to do...but it's so hard. I don't allow myself to put my feelings Into our relationship. He doesn't care for me, I just haven't gotten that through my heart yet. It all seems so unfair. We bicker and don't see eye to eye on a lot. It's just better this way. (I keep telling myself this) (fake it until you make it, right?!?) I just have so many mixed emotions and feelings about moving on. It's very hard when I have to see him because I am still attracted to him. Staying strong is hard because everything is so different now. After the party, Dallas left his Daddy and I dropped my mom off at home. While driving to meet for dinner with friends, I had about 30 minutes with too much alone thinking time. I love nothing more than to turn the radio up, drive and think! But it can get you in trouble. When I got there, I made sure my tears were gone, and was ready to enjoy some yummy snacks and burgers...and WINE!!! When Dallas isn't with me, it truly feels unnatural:-/ I honestly hate it!!! I feel like I'm missing out, or I'm going to miss something funny or important he says or does. This is the way it is now and I just have to cope until I pick him up the next morning. Driving home was another little batch of crying. I think it's my natural way of releasing tension and stress. I was excited to reapply for Medicaid and see a therapist of some sort. However, I didn't get approved so I am writing as therapy ;-) works well for me! It helps get stuff off my chest, and out of my mind! 

Dallas and I will be school supply shopping this week! He starts pre-K August 24th and I couldn't be more excited for him to learn and be in a classroom setting! However, I will definitely miss my running buddy!!!! Like more than I think I realize. I have been thinking of what on earth I'm going to do to occupy my time and my mind! I want to get a part time job, just not sure where. Or when! I have this amazing opportunity to start my life over, and I want to do well. It's stressful knowing I have so much riding on my shoulders. It's not just about recovering from a divorce and getting back on your feet to pay bills. It's about self respect and providing financially for my son and I. It's about self worth and teaching my son to overcome obstacles that life throws at us. I want to be a hero to him. That's the most important thing to me, him and his well being. Tomorrow is another day. I need to get some sleep and tackle some chores and errands tomorrow. Good night world!

Tuesday...

Tuesday July 14th,2015

There is no way at this moment I feel like blogging, so for that reason...I am hoping to get some things off my chest and pray these feelings go away!!!! It was a decent day, then somewhere this evening things took a turn for the worst. I was short and snappy to my mom and Dallas :( I made both of them cry as well as myself. I'm going to start my period this week, and man these hormones certainly do take a dip, surge or something. The feelings I get are awful I tell ya. Like I need a dr to know what's going on and fix me! I don't know if it's my crazy lady pill or my birth control or what it is...or could just be that I need to cut Lance out of my life as much as I can. I'm trying to focus on starting my life over for D & I. I am trying to make good choices. I feel so needy and helpless. I feel so alone & whiney. I'm laying in bed, crying next to my son while he's sleeping so peacefully. I feel lost in this big ol' world. Sometimes I look back and wonder why does it have to be this way?? I never wanted this, I just wanted my husband to love me & pay attention to me. He doesn't understand me. He doesn't even know me anymore. I don't even know who I am. I feel like everyday is a step forward but to where? I don't know where I'm going. I know that I've got to invest more in God. 

Friday fun!!

We saw the new Minions movie this morning!! It was cute! The kiddos seemed to like it and that's all that matters!! :) We went to McDonald's afterwards 🍟 for playtime and happy meals, complete with Minion toys. 

Shannon invited us over for more playing, so we headed to Heartland! By the way, Dallas and I had to stop for gas, a car wash and a little Frappe' treat! ;-) I love getting my car washed now!! They have a special for exterior only washes: 30 washes, 30 consecutive days for $30. 💸I've been thinking about trying it out for a month. The normal outside wash & dry is $6, then to add armoral to the tires it's an additional $4. (If you do the exterior package, you can upgrade and pay the difference on any given day) It seems like a good deal to me, but I would want to make sure I get my money's worth! :) Money is a little tighter when you don't work the one night you're supposed to and you spend it like its going out of style ;-) it's just money, can't take it with us when we go!! 

I spray tanned Ashley this afternoon with a little kit she bought. She was really tan, and it looked pretty good, there was a few touch up spots...but it was worth the money! Shannon claims she's going to get Tan-arexic after just one time. She said Ashley was already getting sassy with her new tan! Lol :) we had a really fun time letting the kids be kids. We ate pizza for dinner (always a fan favorite) and had a dance party to burn some calories afterwards!!😜🍕 One dance and I was out of breath. Hunter gets in his groove and sweet P was born with her moves!! Poor Dallas rocks his white boy style passed down from his Daddy...  We enjoyed spending time with those who care about us. 

When we left, I had to get air in my tire (of course) Dallas fell asleep quickly after we started driving...which left my mind to wander while driving those dark roads, and flipping between radio stations. A man who my mother, Lance and plenty of our friends worked beside and for, for years passed away this morning. He was very funny, and Lance used to come home telling me stories of the stuff he said. I didn't know Jim well enough, but he was always a character when I was around him. From reading some of his post left by his friends, he will be truly missed. He was encouraging, uplifting, and an inspiration to many in the car business. He helped many men and women get off to a good start. Mostly, it's sad to know you won't see that person here on earth again. Life is too short and precious for all the day to day drama we get caught up in. It breaks my heart that Lance and I are at such odds with each other. I don't know when; if ever, I'll truly get over him. My head and my heart are so conflicted. It keeps me spinning, that's for sure. I feel very emotional about it & wish others could understand. 😔 Never would I wish the feelings of pain, heartbreak, confusion, false hope and uncertainty on my worst enemy. It's all so very hard...I take teeny tiny baby steps and even the smallest things are big accomplishments for me!! 😕 It reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo! "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming!"

 

I HAVE to move on--to bigger, and better things!! I don't want to beg someone to be with me. I will wait for someone to share my life with, that WANTS to be there! There are so many good quotes I enjoy. One is, "You can move forward if you keep re-reading the last chapter." It's so true. Lance and I had some ugly words back and forth tonight. I hate fighting with him, because deep down I still love him and always will. I'm just hurt (as is he) and wish things were different. But there not...so stop it Korie Anne!!! 😣 I have to stay strong and keep trucking. The good news: no tears from bickering back and forth. Few tears on the way home while driving, but none since I've been home!! 😏 it's the little things people!! 

On a positive note: hopefully I'll work tomorrow night and make a little cash flow! Also, Sunday morning church can't come fast enough! 😇 I am in desperation of words from the good book!! I need to set my attitude and my mind right. REFOCUS! 🙏🏻 Lord, thank you for the work you are doing in my life. I trust in you, that it's your timing and what's meant to happen will. Thank you Lord For keeping me positive and keep me close to you in our walk. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN. 

Testing, testing...

Testing, testing...Is this thing on??? After talking with my mom this evening at dinner, she encouraged me to start writing on my blog again. I told her I didn't know what to say...if I had anything to say. And the things I was thinking can be pretty negative. I was told, "if I didn't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." However, she reminded me I had to start somewhere. I used to write to my notepad in my phone. As I get braver and stronger, I have deleted those ugly notes where I used to vent. I no longer need to remind myself of certain things, events or dates where nastiness has occurred! Movin' onward and upward!! 

Which leads to making big girl decision and planning the rest is of my life. There aren't "family" decisions to be made, just what's right for my big man and myself!! 

Dallas starts Pre-K this fall and I want to be ready to start my journey on how to financially support D and I. It's not going to be easy, and I'm sure I will fail from time to time. BUT, I am strong! I am tough! My God is bigger than any of my worst fears! With Him on my side, what really stands a chance against me?!? 

Between God and my Bubba, I can do 

anything and everything I put my mind to!! I am ready for the next adventure in our lives! I am ready to provide for my son, and never again will I depend on a man! (My Mom taught me that young, but of course I had to find out for myself) haha!! I will never invest all of me in another relationship again! Guess that's some of the aftermath of going through a divorce. It's just part of it 😕 but I am stronger than I was! So there, that was a pretty good start for this evening. Dallas stayed the night with his Daddy at his apartment. Mom and I enjoyed dinner at Fatted Calf in downtown Rockwall. 

It's SO nice to have a cold glass of wine, an appetizer and a yummy summer salad. Although, the feeling of missing your baby and wondering what he's doing never subsidies 😟 I look forward to picking him up in the morning, very early! 

Goodnight world! Thank you Lord for blessing me with another day on this earth, spent with my son! I couldn't ask for more! I thank you for the work you are doing in my life and I ask that you keep me close to you in this journey. Show me the ways to please you Almighty! I am ready for positive changes and trust in you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

Afternoon of tears

I did SOOOO good Tuesday afternoon, ALL the way until today (Sunday)...I count those days as a plus! Today was a breaking day 😥 Mom and I went to a thrift store in Garland and I was having a good day. Eventually the incredible weather we were having, seeing people  posting pictures of their little ones playing outside at parks & playgrounds and seeing friends having fun, family time...I broke. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I have to share my son with his Father who only cares about being a "Sunday" kinda Dad. I could only imagine us walking to the park, running around the jungle gym, playing basketball and spending time together. The times that Dallas was too young to remember. And he won't get to enjoy! :-/ agh, awful! The tears started, then I texted Lance and it was downhill from there. Thankfully, I only cried for about an hour, venting to my Mom and was done. I felt much better after not speaking to him for awhile. My parents and I went to dinner in down town Royse city at one of our favorite Mexican food restaurants. As soon as we got home, I tried to keep occupied and happen to catch one of my shows. During my show and after I cried and cried. I need my little man, I have become so dependent upon him. When he does go with his daddy, it breaks my heart, and I miss him dearly!!!! 

Prepping the house to sell

I must admit, being at my first real house that my husband and I built hasn't been easy. For the last couple of days, I've been busting my butt to sell the house and make us some money!!! Julie (our realtor, Jennifer's mom) came over Monday to give me some pointers and tips. She also put a "coming soon" sign in the yard. It's just another symbol of how real everything is. I've been filling nail holes, doing touch up paint, re-staining cabinets in both bathrooms and in the kitchen. I got tan to paint Destinys room, and my Mom stopped by after work to help me rearrange the living room furniture. I also took one for the team and started washing ALL the laundry/towels in the laundry room that were so kindly dropped off and left for a magic laundry lady! Can't have our house looking cray cray! I had Melissa's husband look at my light in the kitchen that isn't working. He went it the attic and looked at it, as well as tested it with some thingamajig. It's getting power, but every time we put a light bulb, nothing happens. Turns out, the couple of light bulbs we had were bad :-/

Christmas Eve

It's been a busy day for us!

Side note: my new blog entries will consist mostly of my feelings, emotions and taking steps towards a new future. 

With that being said, there were lots of tears today!!! So now, my head is pounding, my eyes burn and I'm tired! I moved a few loads out of the house and to storage today. I seriously have some bipolar issues or something. With the first load, I was blaring some old school rap from the 90's and jamming out all by myself. (Mom took Dallas to the store) I got out at storage and unloaded my stuff like a champ! 

Music turned up, dancing, sun shining...I just knew it was going to be a great day! Next load, I cried the entire way there! What the heck?!? Pure craziness I tell ya. In all fairness, I am supposed to start my period tomorrow and the week of, hit my emotions like a ton of bricks. I try and pay attention to myself, and I have noticed my emotional state is whack. It didn't used to be this way growing up, or even before Dallas. Now, it's like I'm a teen going through all of this for the first time. It really does bother me because I get so negative and everything is amplified. 

There was a lot of back and forth bickering today between Lance and I. Hence all the tears and sobbing. I've realized its a vicious cycle, and I am creating my own Hell. It usually goes like this; Lance checks in on Dallas during the day and asks if he can see him when he gets off. Of course I say sure. Later that evening, something comes up. He mostly has customers late...but then I catch him in a lie or he makes something up. I can't help but assume the worst :-/ it drives me crazy and I wish I could just shut my feelings and emotions off. (If I only knew where that switch was) then I proceed with taking out my anger on him through texting and reminding him of how awful he is to Dallas. Which leads to him ignoring me (me assuming the obvious) or bantering back and forth with me. Neither of which are healthy for me moving forward!!! I mostly drift off to sleep about 1:00 or 2:00am...have bad dreams all night about Lance and wake up around 5:00am. To get back to sleep, I snuggle up to my sweet Dallas. Thank God for this little boy!!! He drives me crazy and keeps me sane! Lol, if that makes any sense. 

Robby and I went to the Christmas Eve service at church this evening while Lance played with Dallas at the house for a little bit. Mom stayed home because she hasn't been feeling well. I don't want to get into detail, but once again...I asked about who wrapped the presents, and who the ones were for still in the truck. That used to be my job, and it hurts that Lance doesn't need me the way he used to. It doesn't feel good thinking he got some hooker presents either...when he never remembered me :-/ I know what your thinking, but be patient with me while I whine & complain. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and it totally sucks! I think I am going to start going to a 12 step recovery class at church. I honestly feel like Lance is an addiction for me. I need to rid him of my life (just keep our relationship business style for Dallas) and get "clean!" He absolutely ripped my heart to small little  pieces. I know I hurt him, but I don't think he loved me the way I loved him. He was my world, I just wished he'd make some changes. I was willing to keep trying and stick by my husbands side. I never wanted any of this. However, I stopped putting effort and needed him to pick up the slack for awhile...but it wasn't a two way street. Okay, enough of that crap for now.

Positively speaking, we made cookies for Santa and reindeer food to sprinkle outside for the deer to find their way. 

Lance and I got Bubba Bear ready for bed together. Pjs, books, and a vtamin for the both of them. It's hard on me, but I am thankful we can still do things together for our main man. He is what matters most. I would do anything to keep his life positive and as smooth as possible. We both laid here quietly in the dark with Dallas listening to Christmas music until he fell asleep. When I heard him snoring, I snuck out to the kitchen to start my stuff for tomorrow. Shortly after, Lance came out. We hugged and said Merry Christmas. It was hard knowing I would be playing Santa alone :( I enjoyed doing that together. I missed our traditions, but I'll look forward to a time when we (dallas and I) start new ones. I sent him a message when he left and said I was really going to try and be nicer to him & thanked him for helping put Dallas to sleep so he could have some normalcy. Tomorrow morning he's coming over at 10 to watch Dallas open presents and see what Santa brought him. Everything is different now, and it's incredibly hard :( it's heart wrenching and tears me apart. I dread anyone else having to go through the hurt and pain I feel constantly all day, everyday. I am mentally exhausted and physically drained from it all. Although, tomorrow is a new day...if the good Lord wakes me to enjoy another glorious day I will make the best of it. I am tired of these feelings and ready to put the past behind me. I am ready to see what God has in store for us. I am ready to let God work in me and through me. I know my heart is hardened but please give me strength to make it through Christmas Day. I have to remind myself to take one day at a time. I am excited about trying out a few new breakfast casseroles & yummy "Christmas" lasagna for a late lunch/dinner. Dallas has so many presents to open, and I can't wait to see what Santa brought with him!! :) 

Almost a year later...

My oh my how our lives have changed for 2014. It's almost been a whole year from blogging and posting. This can't entirely be blamed on my stressful situation. This is in part due to switching phones a few times, forgetting my login username and or password.

 

However, I am going to use this as a form of release and healing. I need an outlet, and this is perfect for me. The other thing I could use is a gym membership at a place that's 24-7 with a sauna! That would be an incredible outlet as well! Lol, until then, I will have to make do. Not sure how to start, so let's just jump right in...Towards the end of the summer I moved to my parents to give Lance space after he caught me talking to another male inappropriately. Long story short, I made a mistake. I was looking for attention, and totally went about that in the wrong way! Lol, obviously ;-) we were slowly growing apart and I believe our priorities had changed. We weren't united and I think we were on two different pages. I was wanting more family time and commitment from my husband, and he was more interested in relaxing and unwinding after a hard days work by drinking beer with new buddies from work. (I was uncomfortable with the situation and addressed it a few times) I usually tried to be understanding and reasonable. However, I was very uncomfortable with his choices. We were supposed to be a team, and couldn't grasp his side :-/ attitudes became worse towards one another and disagreements were more often. I was so lonely. It sucked. When I told Lance how I felt he seemed to blow me off like I was dramatic. At one point he told me, "he was a grown man who worked hard for his family and if he wants to go out after work he will, and if he wants to have drinks with his friends, he will." It hurt my feelings so bad!!!! It was like a slap in the face. He didn't value what was important to me, his wife. I was feeling more and more like the house keeper, babysitter, maid, cook, definitely not like his wife...at all. Needless to say, we have both said very hateful things out of anger but are working on being better parents for Dallas' sake. (Well, we talked about it, but I'm not sure how committed Lance is) anyway, Dallas has his mama and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for him 1,000% always and forever. 

I read my bible often and know God has something bigger and better in store for my son and I. I am looking forward and take baby steps everyday. 

7/40 Day Fast

Sunday after baby shower day?!? Didn't do too well this day either. I ate left over yumminess then indulged in homemade sandwiches as well as burgers at home Sunday :) however, Monday I am off to a fresh start! Weekends seem to be a challenge, so I'm going to have to focus! Of course, no weighing!! :)

6/40 Day Fast

Jenns baby shower for Miss Madison!!! Need I say more?? I did horrible but didn't drink coffee?!? Lol, definitely having to buckle down Monday!! ;-) no weighing took place for good reason! 

5/40 Day Fast

Well this was a busy day of TRAFFIC!!! Shannon, Presley, and John's sister Kelly came over. We had last minute purchases and necessities to do before Jenns baby shower for Miss Madison! I had to leave to take my dad to a dr appt so Shannon volunteered to keep Dallas to make it easier on me! Since I had to work late Friday night, Dallas was going to spend the night with Shannon again this weekend! He was excited and basically packed a bag for Shannon! I left Dad at his appt to bring Dallas' car seat home and Kelly dropped her phone in the my car. Shannon was taking Kelly to the airport and had to leave super early due to all the wrecks & traffic. I dropped the stuff off and sat in traffic (one exit) for about an hour an half! This put my schedule behind and I couldn't be late to poker! :-/ which led to pulling through Sonic out of convenience. I ate a junior cheese burger and a java chiller! :( The ice cream hurt my stomach and I actually felt guilty for both!! 

Both sides of the highway were shut down and forcing people to exit!

4/40 Day Fast

I am feeling all kinds of emotional today. Not sure why! Nothing is wrong, but I just feel weird :( I think it's the weather! I need some sunshine in my life! It's gloomy and drizzling. BORING!!! Anyway, I weighed this morning and almost died! 

How did I go up so much?? I was fully clothed and normally weigh at night before bed, but dang! Anyway, I ate honey nut Cheerios and fat free milk for breakfast. Dallas & I watched lions on NAT-GEO! I ended up weighing again later and this was what I saw!

Weighing can be so overwhelming but I think it helps keep me on track daily!! 

3/40 Day Fast

I didn't write last night because I fell asleep earlier than usual! It was fantastic! I woke up at 6:00 to wake Arielle up for school and felt so refreshed! Yesterday I think I ate too much food! I felt too full last night and felt like I didn't eat the proper portions! We had fiesta salad for dinner. I altered mine to brown rice, a little bit of cheese, pinto beans and very lean ground beef, with a little bit of hot sauce. It was yummy, but I was definitely missing out on Fritos, tons of cheese and sour cream! I didn't work out yesterday either. Dallas and I went to play with Kenzie and Aunt Jenn for a little while. I didn't even want to weigh myself last night before bed like I had been doing. Mom stopped by with something she made for jenns shower decor after her hair cut! Dallas wasn't nice to her, and it makes me really sad!!! Lance and I came to bed early, and put Dallas to sleep early so we could watch Judge Judy together. That's when I drifted off to sleep! :)

2/40 Day Fast

Today was altered a little. I'm going to focus more on eating healthy and smaller size proportions. I have chose no caffeine and no fast food, as well as no junk. (I can't stick to fruit and veggies only! It's my own choice, so today I had to make some changes) I didn't starve myself today, and actually feel so much better today! I have a feeling my headache was from a knot in my shoulder blade! Maybe not, but who knows. Dallas & I played in his playroom this morning and I cleaned up in there as well. 

He said he was making a train

I ended up getting a chance to work out for a little bit this evening and burned a few calories, hopefully they offset the food changes I made today. 

My weight seems to have dropped a little which is keeping me motivated and focused. Arielle stayed home from school today because she was sick ;-) she wasn't running fever, but coughed all night and told me this morning she "didn't want to cough on her friends and get them sick." I gave her some children's mucinex and sent her back to bed! A straight "A" student deserves some slack time every now and again. Looking forward to tomorrow, it's another day! I'm working towards my goal and want to get some results! Sweet dreams and sleeptight! Thank you Lord for all I have in my life, and for continuing to show me the way!! AMEN 

1/40 Day Fast

Well, it's been a kind of a confusing day! I feel better physically and have more energy than I usually do! (I also seem to be in a better mood!) I am hungry and my head hurts is the bad part! :( headaches make me want to lay down and rest. However, I've put the dishes up & reloaded the dish washer, talked with the girls after school, made something for Jenn's upcoming shower, completed a full day of laundry, vacuumed and picked up around here. I had a long to do list and needed my excedrine to kick-in! I weighed-in last night at 186. So embarrassing but needs to be documented! Lol, I'll weigh again tonight and post that. I figure weighing and documenting this journey will help me stay focused and on the right track. I saw this on Facebook earlier and this made me laugh:

Dallas played police officer today!

Dinner for me is consisting of salad with lime, pepper & tomatoes! Yummy! :) I ended up taking another excedrine this evening and Lance rubbed my neck & back when he got home. Tomorrow I am going to focus more on praying during my times of weakness. I didn't do well at that today :( I also weighed in tonight after a hot, relaxing bath. 

It is what it is!! I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I didn't have any crazy urges- except that I might be going too strong- and worried about eating enough. I know the changes I have to make, but want to succeed! I am going to have to go day by day and stick to my goal! Thank you Lord for all the work you continue to do in my life, AMEN!

The Farmer in the Dell...

What the heck is a Dell...who even knows?? Or is this something everyone knows but me?!? I wasn't sure if it's "the Farmer in the Dell," or "the Farmer and the Dell?!?" Oh man...so many questions!

 Friday night Arielle & Dallas got to spend the night with the Poe's. Dallas has been asking for awhile! I took the kids over there and before I left Shannon asked Arielle what she wanted for dinner. Arielle wanted shrimp!! Lol, my girl is fancy! Of course they spoiled them; took them to dinner and rented a movie :) I am so grateful to have such great friends in my life to keep my munchkins and treat them so well! We have family that doesn't even love them that way! Sad, but...it is what it is! :)

Saturday morning John took Dallas to Brookshires and to get donuts. I got these pics:

 

I'm pretty sure that's the cutest thing I've ever seen!!!! Dallas was well behaved the whole time, until I got there. He can be such a stinker sometimes! He hates sharing! We all went to their Papa's farm to help out a little bit and see the cows. We visited with Papa inside and got to listen to some stories before going outside. I was glad to see him doing so well and he seemed to be in good spirits!

 

We loaded up on the mule to check out the cows! Papa took the tractor and moved all the cows to a different area of their land. There were quite a few calfs, we even got to see one nurse from their momma!! It was so natural and so sweet!

Dallas loved getting to be outside, see the cows and have a completely different environment than we are used to. It was a gorgeous day! The sun was shining and the fresh smell of hay is hard to forget. 

The boys loaded up some wood in the bucket of the tractor to bring back up to the house for Papa's fire place. 

These pictures mean so much to me! Memories made that hopefully last a lifetime! It's hard to put into words how appreciative and thankful I am for John & Shannon to let us hang out with them and treat us like family on a Saturday, especially since Lance works! John let's Dallas help do "man work" and doesn't think twice about it. He scoops him up and loves him like his own. Shannon tears up when he says cute things or does something sweet! It truly touches my heart to see her love him so much!! I couldn't have picked better Godparents for my son. I saved this picture:

Kinda hard to see, I tried to zoom in to get a better picture. We had a wonderful day and ended with dinner at Saltgrass with the Poe's and John's brother David & wife Alyssa (who signed up for the cruise in February this last week!!) 

Sunday morning I went to church with my Mom and let the kiddos sleep! We discussed fasting for 40 days to obtain a better spiritual relationship with Christ, the same way Jesus did before he died. This leads to Monday morning starting my 40 day fast! It's a challenge that I accept and want to accomplish! I plan to eat more "raw" foods and most definitely stay away from fast food joints!! No cookies or snackie things! Mom & I stopped in Costco, and I got stuff for salads, raw almonds and some fruit. It's a good start but I'll have to go to the store again after Lance gets paid!! The rest of the family won't have much to eat if I don't ;-) This is something totally new for me and even a tad scary because I'm afraid of failing. However, I'm going to pray when I feel like I'm slipping and need encouragement. This fast will end February 15th, the day before my Mom & Dallas' bday! So hopefully we go out to dinner somewhere yummy for their birthday dinner!! (I'm also hoping to lose some extra weight as a small side effect!) The girls start back to school tomorrow after their long winter break! 6:00am is going to come early. I need to get to sleep, I plan on going to the Woodcreek gym after waking them up!! We shall see ;-) Thank you Lord for letting me walk with you and keeping me on the right path! In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!!!!!!!