Almost a year later...

My oh my how our lives have changed for 2014. It's almost been a whole year from blogging and posting. This can't entirely be blamed on my stressful situation. This is in part due to switching phones a few times, forgetting my login username and or password.

 

However, I am going to use this as a form of release and healing. I need an outlet, and this is perfect for me. The other thing I could use is a gym membership at a place that's 24-7 with a sauna! That would be an incredible outlet as well! Lol, until then, I will have to make do. Not sure how to start, so let's just jump right in...Towards the end of the summer I moved to my parents to give Lance space after he caught me talking to another male inappropriately. Long story short, I made a mistake. I was looking for attention, and totally went about that in the wrong way! Lol, obviously ;-) we were slowly growing apart and I believe our priorities had changed. We weren't united and I think we were on two different pages. I was wanting more family time and commitment from my husband, and he was more interested in relaxing and unwinding after a hard days work by drinking beer with new buddies from work. (I was uncomfortable with the situation and addressed it a few times) I usually tried to be understanding and reasonable. However, I was very uncomfortable with his choices. We were supposed to be a team, and couldn't grasp his side :-/ attitudes became worse towards one another and disagreements were more often. I was so lonely. It sucked. When I told Lance how I felt he seemed to blow me off like I was dramatic. At one point he told me, "he was a grown man who worked hard for his family and if he wants to go out after work he will, and if he wants to have drinks with his friends, he will." It hurt my feelings so bad!!!! It was like a slap in the face. He didn't value what was important to me, his wife. I was feeling more and more like the house keeper, babysitter, maid, cook, definitely not like his wife...at all. Needless to say, we have both said very hateful things out of anger but are working on being better parents for Dallas' sake. (Well, we talked about it, but I'm not sure how committed Lance is) anyway, Dallas has his mama and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for him 1,000% always and forever. 

I read my bible often and know God has something bigger and better in store for my son and I. I am looking forward and take baby steps everyday.