Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Tuesday 1/5/2016

Let me just start off saying I'm proud of myself for sticking to "healthy choices" and blogging more than once :) today was a good day all in all! I cleaned a little bit out of my storage and make a donation to helping hands, which makes me feel good. I also saw a friends dad there dropping off also. It's nice to see a familiar face and get a weekday hug! I also cleared my car of Hobby Lobby Christmas goodies!! 🎅🏞 (when I'm poor, remind me of how great my trees will look!) I went to the grocery store, the Bullpen, and then picked my little man up from Pre-k. I had a headache and couldn't tell if it was from my contacts or not eating enough. We came home and I switched into my glasses and ate a lemon pepper chicken breast...and a biscuit with peanut butter. No judgement, I'm not perfect, just trying to work on this bod 😜 

After some rest with a nutcase child who is acting super wild and crazy lately, and once my excedrine migraine kicked in I finished packing up the Christmas stuff in my totes. Tomorrow I have a full day of dropping totes at storage, and taking my car to the Chevy house for a little looksie. We finished up dinner and I did Lance a favor by picking Arielle up and dropping her off at their apartment so she didn't have to be at Haleys all night while he closes this evening. I stopped by the gym for a little sauna time. I cannot explain the feeling I have there. It's a very uncomfortable, snooty place to be. However, I'm not there to make friends, just get some exercise in and drop pounds. I don't know if it's the area or the people these days...or just a douchey mentality. The staff who check you in aren't friendly and neither the members! ðŸ˜ģ I sat in the sauna for 35 minutes and drank two bottles of water. It feels good to sweat! 

Tomorrow is a new day and I need strength to deal with the lifestyle changes im making as well as patience in handling my precious spawn. He is a lot of work lately, and I'm hoping it's just a phase that will pass. He seems to really be testing me and his limits!! Good night and sweet dreams! :)

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Sunday 1/3/2016

Such a good weekend, and REALLY looking forward to this week! Dallas goes back to school, and this mama can get some stuff done for a few hours while he's gone :) I have been strong in dealing with Lance, which so far so good. I am also excited about getting back into exercising regularly. I am so tired of being GIGANTIC, out of breath, too big for my body and most importantly my confidence is in the dumps! 

Sunday, Mom and I went to Canton to shop at first Monday and literally shopped until we dropped! I got 2 pairs of cheap boots ($15 each) that are ready to be dropped off at the Bullpen for monogramming!! 

I have really been wanting a pair to monogram but waited for the right pair ;-)
Mom and I both got cream boot socks. We loved them both so much we each got a pair as opposed to sharing as we would have. They were also half off!

They have the one-minute manicure samples in a bathroom we went to. I loved the smell, (Pink Lily) so I bought a few small ones to try. 

 I also got too much Christmas decor at 50-75% off! One of my favorite places had really cute stuff in my color scheme! --so I helped myself to plenty of goodies! 
(Those are big bags, not small!) lol!
I also bought 2 late Christmas gifts I have been wanting to buy. Both Lance and I got engraved Yeti cups. They are so cute and I'm excited to use mine!! 


We met up with the Poe's for lunch at our normal spot. When we left Canton, Mom and I grabbed Tacos and came home to relax! 

Umpy wanted me to take his picture with the dogs, because they all looked so cute right there! What a goof! 

Saturday, Dallas and I went to The Poe's to open Christmas presents with them. Dallas loves going to play over there AND wanted to eat the chili Shannon had in the crock pot. The relationship Presley and him have crack me up. He loves to aggravate her but gets defensive when she gets upset. They are a mess! Shannon and I had a good little talk and we left about 10:00pm! I was hoping Dallas would fall asleep on the way home, but of course not. When we got home, he wanted to open the blind bags Shannon got him...and of course we did. 

I private messaged a friend from high school whose body is amazing!! I asked her for some diet tips and she has gone out of her way to give me a plan! I can see the results from a poor diet (greasy skin, unhealthy hair, and obviously my gut!) I have a positive attitude and this HAS to work! I have no energy and want to be the best mommy to Dallas I can be!! Busy, busy week ahead! Lord guide me in the direction you want me. Please help me to make wise food choices as I change my lifestyle and get fit. I also pray for the victims of the wrath of the tornado. Help them find solace in still having their lives and families. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!! 

Thursday, December 31, 2015

2016

                Happy new year!


More easily said than done 😎 So many New Years resolution to uphold! Makes me nervous, but I can and WILL do it. I have to for my own sanity. Obviously I have the cliche lose weight top on my list, but really...I can't wait to slim down, tone up and feel better about myself. A close second is to be strong when it comes to Lance!!!! I tear up as I write that. :( Not sure if it's because I truly love him and unsure of my choices and decisions, or if it's because I'm frightened of change. Either way, the unknown can be scary but I have to close this door and be ready for new opportunity. I know God has great things I store for me. I just need to walk with him and be patient. It's all in Gods timing. I think about Lance 24-7, through everything with Dallas, to my faults as his wife, to wishing he would open his eyes and see what could have been... Agh, it's so tough on me but I know I can do it. I'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet by the grace of God and my little one looking up to me! I am ready for the tears to stop and the pain to lessen!! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Tough day for me

Today was such an emotional day for me :( we went to Kenzie's 4th birthday party, and Dallas actually played in the kiddie pool for a little bit. He is not impressed with swimming or water in general! It makes me feel sad for him to have such a fear. Water parks and pools should be like 2nd nature for us! We live in Texas and HAVE to survive the summers with outdoor water activities! It's just too hot.  Lance met at the pool with plans to take Dallas afterwards. I've done soooo good this whole week! I didn't cry this whole week! I've stayed busy and made several efforts and attempts to keep Lance off my mind. It's what I NEED to do, and HAVE to do...but it's so hard. I don't allow myself to put my feelings Into our relationship. He doesn't care for me, I just haven't gotten that through my heart yet. It all seems so unfair. We bicker and don't see eye to eye on a lot. It's just better this way. (I keep telling myself this) (fake it until you make it, right?!?) I just have so many mixed emotions and feelings about moving on. It's very hard when I have to see him because I am still attracted to him. Staying strong is hard because everything is so different now. After the party, Dallas left his Daddy and I dropped my mom off at home. While driving to meet for dinner with friends, I had about 30 minutes with too much alone thinking time. I love nothing more than to turn the radio up, drive and think! But it can get you in trouble. When I got there, I made sure my tears were gone, and was ready to enjoy some yummy snacks and burgers...and WINE!!! When Dallas isn't with me, it truly feels unnatural:-/ I honestly hate it!!! I feel like I'm missing out, or I'm going to miss something funny or important he says or does. This is the way it is now and I just have to cope until I pick him up the next morning. Driving home was another little batch of crying. I think it's my natural way of releasing tension and stress. I was excited to reapply for Medicaid and see a therapist of some sort. However, I didn't get approved so I am writing as therapy ;-) works well for me! It helps get stuff off my chest, and out of my mind! 

Dallas and I will be school supply shopping this week! He starts pre-K August 24th and I couldn't be more excited for him to learn and be in a classroom setting! However, I will definitely miss my running buddy!!!! Like more than I think I realize. I have been thinking of what on earth I'm going to do to occupy my time and my mind! I want to get a part time job, just not sure where. Or when! I have this amazing opportunity to start my life over, and I want to do well. It's stressful knowing I have so much riding on my shoulders. It's not just about recovering from a divorce and getting back on your feet to pay bills. It's about self respect and providing financially for my son and I. It's about self worth and teaching my son to overcome obstacles that life throws at us. I want to be a hero to him. That's the most important thing to me, him and his well being. Tomorrow is another day. I need to get some sleep and tackle some chores and errands tomorrow. Good night world!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Tuesday...

Tuesday July 14th,2015

There is no way at this moment I feel like blogging, so for that reason...I am hoping to get some things off my chest and pray these feelings go away!!!! It was a decent day, then somewhere this evening things took a turn for the worst. I was short and snappy to my mom and Dallas :( I made both of them cry as well as myself. I'm going to start my period this week, and man these hormones certainly do take a dip, surge or something. The feelings I get are awful I tell ya. Like I need a dr to know what's going on and fix me! I don't know if it's my crazy lady pill or my birth control or what it is...or could just be that I need to cut Lance out of my life as much as I can. I'm trying to focus on starting my life over for D & I. I am trying to make good choices. I feel so needy and helpless. I feel so alone & whiney. I'm laying in bed, crying next to my son while he's sleeping so peacefully. I feel lost in this big ol' world. Sometimes I look back and wonder why does it have to be this way?? I never wanted this, I just wanted my husband to love me & pay attention to me. He doesn't understand me. He doesn't even know me anymore. I don't even know who I am. I feel like everyday is a step forward but to where? I don't know where I'm going. I know that I've got to invest more in God. 


Friday, July 10, 2015

Friday fun!!

We saw the new Minions movie this morning!! It was cute! The kiddos seemed to like it and that's all that matters!! :) We went to McDonald's afterwards 🍟 for playtime and happy meals, complete with Minion toys. 


Shannon invited us over for more playing, so we headed to Heartland! By the way, Dallas and I had to stop for gas, a car wash and a little Frappe' treat! ;-) I love getting my car washed now!! They have a special for exterior only washes: 30 washes, 30 consecutive days for $30. ðŸ’ļI've been thinking about trying it out for a month. The normal outside wash & dry is $6, then to add armoral to the tires it's an additional $4. (If you do the exterior package, you can upgrade and pay the difference on any given day) It seems like a good deal to me, but I would want to make sure I get my money's worth! :) Money is a little tighter when you don't work the one night you're supposed to and you spend it like its going out of style ;-) it's just money, can't take it with us when we go!! 

I spray tanned Ashley this afternoon with a little kit she bought. She was really tan, and it looked pretty good, there was a few touch up spots...but it was worth the money! Shannon claims she's going to get Tan-arexic after just one time. She said Ashley was already getting sassy with her new tan! Lol :) we had a really fun time letting the kids be kids. We ate pizza for dinner (always a fan favorite) and had a dance party to burn some calories afterwards!!😜🍕 One dance and I was out of breath. Hunter gets in his groove and sweet P was born with her moves!! Poor Dallas rocks his white boy style passed down from his Daddy...  We enjoyed spending time with those who care about us. 

When we left, I had to get air in my tire (of course) Dallas fell asleep quickly after we started driving...which left my mind to wander while driving those dark roads, and flipping between radio stations. A man who my mother, Lance and plenty of our friends worked beside and for, for years passed away this morning. He was very funny, and Lance used to come home telling me stories of the stuff he said. I didn't know Jim well enough, but he was always a character when I was around him. From reading some of his post left by his friends, he will be truly missed. He was encouraging, uplifting, and an inspiration to many in the car business. He helped many men and women get off to a good start. Mostly, it's sad to know you won't see that person here on earth again. Life is too short and precious for all the day to day drama we get caught up in. It breaks my heart that Lance and I are at such odds with each other. I don't know when; if ever, I'll truly get over him. My head and my heart are so conflicted. It keeps me spinning, that's for sure. I feel very emotional about it & wish others could understand. 😔 Never would I wish the feelings of pain, heartbreak, confusion, false hope and uncertainty on my worst enemy. It's all so very hard...I take teeny tiny baby steps and even the smallest things are big accomplishments for me!! 😕 It reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo! "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming!"

 
I HAVE to move on--to bigger, and better things!! I don't want to beg someone to be with me. I will wait for someone to share my life with, that WANTS to be there! There are so many good quotes I enjoy. One is, "You can move forward if you keep re-reading the last chapter." It's so true. Lance and I had some ugly words back and forth tonight. I hate fighting with him, because deep down I still love him and always will. I'm just hurt (as is he) and wish things were different. But there not...so stop it Korie Anne!!! ðŸ˜Ģ I have to stay strong and keep trucking. The good news: no tears from bickering back and forth. Few tears on the way home while driving, but none since I've been home!! 😏 it's the little things people!! 

On a positive note: hopefully I'll work tomorrow night and make a little cash flow! Also, Sunday morning church can't come fast enough! 😇 I am in desperation of words from the good book!! I need to set my attitude and my mind right. REFOCUS! 🙏ðŸŧ Lord, thank you for the work you are doing in my life. I trust in you, that it's your timing and what's meant to happen will. Thank you Lord For keeping me positive and keep me close to you in our walk. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Testing, testing...

Testing, testing...Is this thing on??? After talking with my mom this evening at dinner, she encouraged me to start writing on my blog again. I told her I didn't know what to say...if I had anything to say. And the things I was thinking can be pretty negative. I was told, "if I didn't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." However, she reminded me I had to start somewhere. I used to write to my notepad in my phone. As I get braver and stronger, I have deleted those ugly notes where I used to vent. I no longer need to remind myself of certain things, events or dates where nastiness has occurred! Movin' onward and upward!! 


Which leads to making big girl decision and planning the rest is of my life. There aren't "family" decisions to be made, just what's right for my big man and myself!! 


Dallas starts Pre-K this fall and I want to be ready to start my journey on how to financially support D and I. It's not going to be easy, and I'm sure I will fail from time to time. BUT, I am strong! I am tough! My God is bigger than any of my worst fears! With Him on my side, what really stands a chance against me?!? 


Between God and my Bubba, I can do 
anything and everything I put my mind to!! I am ready for the next adventure in our lives! I am ready to provide for my son, and never again will I depend on a man! (My Mom taught me that young, but of course I had to find out for myself) haha!! I will never invest all of me in another relationship again! Guess that's some of the aftermath of going through a divorce. It's just part of it 😕 but I am stronger than I was! So there, that was a pretty good start for this evening. Dallas stayed the night with his Daddy at his apartment. Mom and I enjoyed dinner at Fatted Calf in downtown Rockwall. 

It's SO nice to have a cold glass of wine, an appetizer and a yummy summer salad. Although, the feeling of missing your baby and wondering what he's doing never subsidies 😟 I look forward to picking him up in the morning, very early! 


Goodnight world! Thank you Lord for blessing me with another day on this earth, spent with my son! I couldn't ask for more! I thank you for the work you are doing in my life and I ask that you keep me close to you in this journey. Show me the ways to please you Almighty! I am ready for positive changes and trust in you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN